Elijah vs. The Easter Bunny

We live a "blended" life. I was born and raised a "super" Catholic. In my family, Vatican II was the worst thing to ever happen to the Church. When our local parish got "too liberal" my mom would haul the four kids to underground Tridentine Mass. I went to Catholic school for a bit and always figured I'd marry some similar Catholic guy someday. Instead I married the first Jew I'd ever personally known.


My husband was raised a Conservative Jew and was sure he'd marry a nice Jewish girl, if he ever married at all. We threw a hand grenade of sorts into our own plans and the plans of our poor families when we sealed the deal in 1994.


When a marriage begins with so many differences there have to be some issues that are ironed out before the wedding. "What religion will the kids be"? is definitely one of these issues. How those negotiations went down is for another post, but suffice it to say that our children aged 8 and 6 are totally Jewish. Jewish preschool, Jewish camp, now Hebrew School for our oldest have helped shape a very solid identity for these kids. Most years they are the only Jews in their class and instead of feeling isolated, they have their friends' envy. My kids have made it cool to be a Jew.

While technically we only celebrate Jewish holidays in our own home (remember premarital negotiations), I have been unable to let go of Mr. Bunny.



So most of the year we plug along, living a very Jewish life, although I never officially converted.
We generally spend Christmas with my family and my kids get that they are guests attending someone else's celebration. Actually they make out like bandits as Christmas and Hannukah usually collide in a cosmic bang of gifts, gifts and more gifts.


Easter is a different story. We don't make the trek to celebrate with my family. We spend Easter week getting ready for Passover. We invite friends, plan our seder, look for new "unleavened" recipes and groan over our intestines' protest over too much Matzah.
There are a couple of kid friendly rituals in the Passover seder, one is the magic of the visit from the prophet Elijah. We open the door to let the invisible Elijah in and occasionally check on Elijah's designated wine glass as the wine slowly and mysteriously disappears. A sign he's been there. The other fun ritual is when the kids get to tear through the house looking for the hidden "afikomen", a piece of matzah from the seder table. The finder gets a prize and so does everyone else because I'm a big softie.

Anyway, as I shop for Passover items, I have to admit I am also on the hunt for the perfect Easter basket for my kids. Yes, the Easter Bunny visits my Jewish kids every year because I just cannot let go. For me, the Easter Bunny represents pure chocolatey kid fun and I just want my kids to have that for their own. There are no explanations about "sharing in someone else's tradition". It is what we do in our family and it flies in the face of reason. We would never have a Christmas tree in our home, but that bunny hops in to deliver treats every spring and my kids expect it and LOVE it.

In fact, we now have had my children's best friend, another Jewish little girl, come and spend the night three years in a row so the Easter Bunny comes to her also. Her mom is totally cool about it. So on Easter Sunday while everyone else is enjoying country spiral sliced ham and delectable baked goods, my family is trying to figure out how to make a meal with matzah taste less like cardboard and whether you should eat the ears or the feet first on the gigantic hollow chocolate bunny delivered the night before.

I am sorry Elijah, I wish the mystery of your disappearing wine could satisfy my need to provide some magic for my kids, but it just isn't doing the job for me. When my son asked me if Easter candy was kosher for Passover, I said, "Hmm, should we call the Rabbi and ask him?"
He looked at me as only an 8 year boy can and said "Maybe we should keep it a family thing".
Oy, the complexity of it all.

Missing Erma Bombeck

I was a really precocious (read obnoxious) little kid. I loved to read and often would settle in to read some book lying around that belonged to my parents. Mom and Dad learned early that they better not leave anything salacious around after I finished "The Cracker Factory" one rainy weekend when I was nine. My parents like many in the sixties and seventies enjoyed the humorous writings of folks like Art Linkletter and Erma Bombeck. I loved reading Erma when I was a kid. Although I'm sure much of the humor was over my head and double entendre was a faraway concept, Erma was like listening to a wacky aunt. She wrote about the mundane in a self-deprecating, everywoman kind of way. She was funny, (some would say trite, insipid even), but not cynical. She appealed to my sense of hope for my family, giving little bite sized pep talks to the middleclass parents just trying to make it through the day.
I'm sure there are similar humorists in this day and age, but my tastes have changed. I now prefer the stark irony and cynicism of writers like David Sedaris and Marion Winik. Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart tickle my sardonic funny bone.
Times are tough for us now, tougher than ever. Being a grown-up is much harder than my kid self ever imagined. I sure could use some pithy little "life is a bowl of cherries" quip from wacky Aunt Erma...

Unemployment part 3...

How can we be doing this again? Who gets laid off three times in 18 months? Even in this economy, I cannot make sense of what is happening to my family. As of yesterday my husband is again unemployed. This is the guy who has been on a pretty steady career path for the entire 19 years I have known him. He took a chance a year and a half ago and has been paid in nothing but humiliation and panic for his effort.
Yes, I am gainfully employed in a recession proof profession, so technically things could be much worse. But today I do not feel like things could be worse. I do not feel lucky.
We had a plan and it is shot to hell. Although my earning potential is such that I can almost support my family, like many 40 somethings who married late and waited to have kids, I have structured my work life to allow for lots of time with my kids. Although I am good at my profession, I am a great mom and this economic freefall is taking precious time from my kids' fleeting childhood.
My husband and I have done the "role reversal" thing and although he is a fantastic dad, it works best for us when I am the one in the trenches with the kids.
We all do better. I am not an "I am my kids mom" Dr. Laura kind of parent. I simply want to give them joy and stability and G-d willing a college education.
I dread telling the kids this weekend that Daddy lost his job again and Mommy will be away from home more often to support the family. I fully recognize that many families are in much more dire straits, but I will save the "I feel lucky" thoughts for another day. Right now I need to go tell the kids........